Rape Joke Roundup

h/t to Sonnet

Rape jokes are a hot topic on the blogosphere right now.  A few excerpts:

Harriet Jacobs on why rape is joked about:

There is very little in casual, accessible culture that depicts rapists or rape victims as multi-faceted, complex human beings — and they all are. They are not depicted as people who survive, who go on to read trashy novels and get angry in traffic and learn a new hobby and think about volunteering sometimes but never actually do and get their degree in marketing but actually go into accounting because the job market these days, you know, and if they had never left that one significant other their lives probably would have been different. And rape is not depicted as an event that has complex meanings and consequences for men or women. Rather, it’s depicted as sex to advance the plot, define a (male) character, and/or be a super sweet hidden porno in the middle of your movie. 

The Guardian's Brian Logan on The New Offenders of Standup Comedy:

[Jim] Jeffries tells me: "You can't do a joke these days about black or Asian people – and rightly so – [but] you can do rape jokes on stage and that's not a problem." Why does he think rape is now less of a taboo than racism? "I don't write the rules," he says. Nor, it seems, does he seek to challenge them. Capurro told me, with some distaste: "For a lot of comics, it's OK to talk about raping women now. That's the new black on the comedy circuit."

To which Jessica responds at Feministing with What's So Funny About Rape? 

What I truly don't understand is how anyone could possibly think that joking about rape is being edgy or somehow fighting against the mainstream - which seems to be what the comics in this Guardian article are arguing. They say they're taking taboos head-on. But the thing is, rape jokes and mocking violence against women are mainstream. They're not a taboo at all - they're the norm, sadly. So all of these comedians giving themselves a pat on the back for being sooo controversial - when all they're doing is upholding the status quo - really fucking irk me.

Because if their rape jokes were actually challenging the mainstream, they'd be subversive, not holding up what American culture already perpetuates - that rape is a-okay. I think what is particularly telling is that so many of the people arguing that jokes about sexual assault are fine are dudes - the demographic that tends to be ones who, well...rape. (And who get assaulted at much lower rates than women.)

On a related note, last fall I had a positive experience talking with a rape-jokey comedian after a show.  An excerpt of what happened: 

...So, the headlining comedian was doing fairly well. Not exactly my cup of tea, but whatever. And then he gets to a rape joke. Ugggh. 

For the first time, I was determined to say something. Immediately after the show, I went up to him. It went something like this:

me: "Hey- great job."
dude: "Thanks a bunch!"
me: "I'd really like to give you some feedback about something that really bothered me"
dude: "Sure thing, what is it?"
me: "You know, that rape joke was really off-putting"
dude: "What rape joke?"

Sigh.

me: "The one about a girl drinking too much at the bar..."
dude: "Oh. Yeah."
me: "Well, I just wanted to let you know that it's probable that more women than you think who are here tonight can actually identify with that happening, and it's not a pleasant experience to come out to a comedy show and have that be laughed at"
dude: "Yeah... uh... thanks for saying something."
me: "Thanks for listening."

Nice enough. Maybe he'll take that part out. Maybe he won't. At least I didn't feel powerless as an audience member. 

The Rejection Show: Elna Baker

Mormon comedienne and storyteller extraordinaire Elna Baker talks about rejection.

(You may remember Baker from her incredible This American Life story about working as a doll nurse at FAO Schwartz.)

"Comedy is feminist when it helps me understand how power works and how it can be fucked with": A Chat with Jessica Halem

Jessica Halem can do incredible things incredibly well. She was named one of the "Queers that Make Our City Great" by Timeout Chicago and was nominated for "Best Female Comedian" at the 2008 Chicago Comedy Awards. She also served as Executive Director for the Lesbian Community Cancer Project in Chicago for five years, overseeing record levels of fundraising and expanding the organization's mission into one that was trans-inclusive. I first saw her perform at the Lincoln Lodge last spring, where she brought the house down with joyously raunchy tales of dildoes and fisting. Jessica left Chicago for the Pacific Northwest last year, and I needed a Jessica fix, so she was kind enough to answer some of my questions about activism and comedy.

When did you first know that you loved doing standup?

1995, Beijing, China during the Young Women's Talent Show at the UN Fourth World Conference on Women. I was given the job of emcee and had to keep thousands of feminists from all around the world laughing. I felt the surge of bringing laughter and light to those who needed to let off some steam. I don't remember doing jokes per se but I remember the energy of being an enthusiastic fool for the night. That's when I knew I could be both an activist and a stand-up and in fact, it was a powerful tool to be both.

What does feminist comedy look like? Do you have any guidelines for what you will or won't make jokes about?

How about this for feminist comedy: A bloody tampon, wire hanger and Sarah Palin walk into a Rape Crisis Center...

It's hard to say what feminist comedy looks like...I know what my comedy looks like as a feminist living in this world and talking about my experiences and perspective. But just like women comics, or black comics, or gay comics, there are no two same feminist comics or one way to do feminist comedy. I'm not interested in pretending the categories of men and women (or straight and gay, etc.) are stable, constant identities that can be summed up or understood easily (or stereotypically to be more precise.)

I like comedy that helps us understand that there is, in fact, no stable category or binary or identity. I like comedy that plays with notions of what lesbian means, or female means, or feminist means. For me feminist comedy is a way to talk about power and how it operates. On an everyday level in big and small ways. Comedy is feminist when it helps me understand how power works and how it can be fucked with.

The topics that I cover are easy to choose because I stick to my personal experiences (with some embellishment of course) as an antidote to how hard life is for everyone. You can't go wrong as a comic if you find the funny in your everyday life. Everyone can relate to that. Or if not relate then really value insight into what life is like for you. I hope I get on stage and folks think "oh, this is gonna be good. I'd love to hear what this cute, short, Jewish, queer girl thinks about XYZ and I wonder if that could help open me up to a new way of thinking." Ok, really, I just hope they think...damn she's hot.

You perform for a lots of audiences that are queer or queer-allied. Did you start out seeking out these audiences, or did you do the mainstream open mic/ comedy club circuit at first? Has finding venues that attract queer-friendly audiences been a challenge? How important has exercising some control over the kind of audience you perform for been to the development of your onstage voice?

One of my main goals is to bring funny to those who need it most. Who has a voice or experience that is not getting voiced on stage or on screen enough? My hope is that folks who are working hard everyday living their lives on the margins or differently or in fear or struggling in some way will find a chance to laugh with me. So, that means I need to perform in venues or shows where they know it is for them. They don't show up at their mainstream comedy club on a regular night thinking they will find their life being valued on stage. And they are probably right.
Yes, I've done open mics and comedy clubs with no special advertising and done fine. I approach every audience with love and compassion and that comes through. But my goal is to uplift my brothers and sisters who need it most. So, I end up being picky and finding the right venues or getting involved with advertising so a "mainstream" show can be a chance for the queers to come on out for a good time! Some of my best shows have been mainstream venues where I've got a few queers in the audience who have just had the whole night flipped for them! I love that!
My dream audience to entertain for a night would be full of sex workers, artists, trannies, leather daddies, bears, butches, femmes,
teenagers, old lesbians, HIV+ folks, non profit workers, politicans, cancer survivors, and my ex-boyfriends. Let me be THEIR fool!

I might need to put that answer on my wall. Have you ever felt torn between "serious" activism and devoting time to your comedy? What performers do you look to for inspiration about how comedy can be meaningful in people's lives?

I am inspired when I make my friends laugh who are working in the trenches everyday as politicans, activists and social workers. Nothing like knowing your activist friend has her iPhone on as she waits for an important meeting with a Congressperson. Or a politican who appreciates dirty comments on his Facebook status updates!

I also love keeping up with my comedy heros like Margaret Cho and Marga Gomez via their Twitter and Facebooks who make life on the road look like so much damn fun! They and others have been doing comedy work a lot longer than me. As someone who has only recently switched to more comedy from more non profit work...I love learning how to do this well!

Most importantly, I'm inspired to do comedy as a tool for social justice everytime I make a 17 year old queer youth laugh or a long
time HIV+ gay man laugh or a gray haired lesbian from the rural part of Virginia who drove an hour to see me. I make them laugh through a story filled with equal parts love and misery from my life and I know I've lightened their load just a little bit for a little while. That's justice. That's change. That's comedy.

What should we look forward to from you in the next 5 years?

I've recently joined PhinLi Bookings, an agency for LGBTQ and sex positive talent. I'm excited to work with folks who get that I'm not looking to make my material easily palatable for TV or host a gay marriage rally. So, in the short term, I'm looking forward to being on the road more hearing from and talking to a new generation of queers in colleges and smaller towns. That and some regular yoga and meditation, I'm trying not to get too ahead of myself. I'm open to allowing the universe unfold in front of me. I'm working on being able to hear what it has to say.

The Heyday of UkeTube

Molly Lewis as "Molly: Kickass Destructo-Cyborg Thing" by Len Peralta

By Russ Rogers

We are on the cusp of a new Ukulele Renaissance. The Ukulele had a short fad popularity in the 50's. This was inspired by The Arthur Godfrey Show and the availability of inexpensive, plastic ukes. Seriously, millions of ukes were sold. Then, Tiny Tim had a hit with Tiptoe Through the Tulips in 1969 and set the Ukulele back as an instrument by 40 years. Playing the ukulele became synonymous with being strange and fey.

Thanks goodness for strong Ukulele Godesses like Danielle Anderson who are at the forefront of a growing popularity for the much maligned and misunderstood Jumping Flea, the Ukulele.

Now, there are many factors that are leading to a resurgence of the Ukulele. The instruments are cheap (which makes them ideal starter instruments in these tough economic times). They are easy to play, with smaller necks and fewer strings than a guitar.  And the nylon strings on ukes are easier on the fingers than the metal strings on guitars!  But all the skills you learn, the fingerings, picking and strumming techniques will translate directly to playing the guitar.  It can be a gateway instrument.

But I don't think the influence of YouTube (or as I like to call it, "UkeTube") can be overstated. In this age of DIY entertainment, the uke lends itself to being filmed in videos. It's small size fits in the frame! It's tone lends itself well to funny songs that are a bit cynical and snarky. And that's just perfect for YouTube!

There are a TON of cool Ukulele Channels and players to be sought out and discovered. But I do think that because of the ukulele's small size, it lends itself especially well to accompanying both women's voices and silly songs. So perhaps it's natural that many of the women who have gained fame playing on UkeTube are also funny.

Now, if you are listing UkeTube sensations, yes, you might start with Danielle Anderson, aka Danielle Ate The Sandwich.  She's phenomenal, quirky, charming, smart and funny.  Plus she has a beautiful, evocative voice.

A few more on my list:

Julia Nunes is the Queen Bee of UkeTube.  The Madonna of the Uke, both for her popularity and versatility!  She has over 100,000 subscribers. She recently played the music festival Bonnaroo. She is selling a couple of independently produced albums. And I think she's very funny.  Her covers are great and she has some fine original songs too!  Here's "Maybe I Will":

 

Julia has a huge fan following, has toured the United Kingdom twice, has recorded two albums and opened for Ben Folds several times!  And this has all been done while she still attends college!  Highly recommended!

Of course, Garfunkel and Oates are Wisecrack favorites. And their uke player Kate Micucci, has some great solo songs too!  Here's "Dear Deer." 

But I don't think any discussion of women, humor and UkeTube could be complete without mentioning Molly Lewis (aka SweetAfton23).

Molly Lewis isn't as professionally experienced as Julia Nunes, Kate Micucci or Danielle Anderson. She hasn't recorded an album, not yet. But her YouTube channel already has 16,000+ subscribers. Molly sprang to fame two years ago with a wicked ukulele cover of the Britney Spears hit, "Toxic."  And Molly has a bunch of great cover songs and a handful of very funny originals. She's a rising comedy, music and ukulele star.

Check out "MyHope":

Molly's made a deal with Hank Green's Label, DFTBA Records. And recently she won the internet songwriting contest, The Masters of Song Fu!  

I've only mentioned four visionary female voices on UkeTube and pointed out a few of their videos.  If there is another Ukulele Godess or an even better ukulele video that has been overlooked, please put the link in the comments.

Tweet, Tweet!

All the cool kids are doing it. Wisecrack's doing it (@wisecrackzine), I'm doing it (@lpark1984), and even some of your favorite comedians are doing it.
Tweeting, that is. It's the newest craze but it's actually a pretty interesting way to see change happening and stay connected to people in 140 characters or less.

Thanks to this list of "85 Comedians to Follow", I am following some funny ladies:


She talks about everything from her new show Drop Dead Diva to the everyday observations that we've come to love from Cho.



Likes to geek out and recently talks about her love for affordable hotels.



This Midwestern stand-up's most recent tweet says: judged a childs beauty pageant today and stole the souls of a few would-be Jon Benet's. Their Moms were crying tears of blood. Hilarity ensues - a must follow!



Stand-up lady and co-creator of SheckyMagazine.com takes time out of her day to update us with her funny thoughts.



AT let's her tweeple in on secret shows, her projects and when her back massages take a turn for the worst.


*BONUS*

Even the "Executive Transvestite" is tweeting it up!


This is just something to start you off. There are so many others to follow on Twitter. Let us know who you're following and who we should add to our list.

Weekend Wuv: Danielle Ate The Sandwich

By Katherine Bradshaw

Ukuleleist and YouTube sensation Danielle Anderson, AKA “Danielle Ate The Sandwich,” frequently pairs light and whimsical sounds with darker, melancholy lyrics (think poptastic Garfunkel and Oates meets sardonic Jessica Delfino). Her songs tackle topics from transexuality (“Born In The Wrong Body”) to everyday human angst (“Afterwards” and “Another Day”). Her homemade music videos, featuring her quirky smile and antics, are irresistibly enjoyable.

British Coumediennes

The extra "u" is because they spell things wrong.

So, bored with American accents, I have begun watching British comedy on Youtube and Hulu and other content-thieving internet mainstays. It's refreshing to discover an entire world (well, country) of humor (humour? huomor?) I had been mostly ignorant of. Yes, I'd seen The Office and Monty Python and Hugh Laurie on House, but there's an entire industry of sitcoms and panel shows; from the immortal Are You Being Served? through my current favorite, QI.

But that's not why you're here. You're here to learn about female comics in the UK. And they are legion and awesome. So I'm going to start, as a minor blogging project, and as my introduction to you all (first post! yay!), a rundown of some of my favorite funny girls (sorry, Caitlin) across the pond.

But first, to wet your beaks, here's Jo Brand, who I will write about more in my next post:

Target Women: Hair

Letter from the Editor- 101st Posting: Wisecrack Goes Meta

How about that?  100 posts.  Bust out the Boone's Farm, this calls for a toast.

Conversations about gender and humor happen all the time. Especially if you're a comedienne. Doubly so, if you're a feminist comedienne. Scholars like Regina Barreca and the late Nancy A. Walker have published many books on the subject; these conversations aren't anything new.  We'd just like to bring them beyond the bus ride after improv rehearsal, into the public sphere... the one in your laptop.  

Have we done it? Well, we haven't exactly gone viral. But we do have a steady stream of regular visitors and a healthy core of writers, campus liaisons, and allies.  We've sniffed out our own and discovered that at least half a dozen people hold degrees in comedy and gender studies.  And through hours of dedicated "web research," we've stumbled upon the likes of Marina Franklin, Amy Andersen, Garfunkel and Oates, and many, many other incredibly talented comedians. 

Perhaps most importantly, we've created a space to reclaim feminism in the context of comedy... or is it comedy in the context of feminism? (Cue mind explosions.) Either way, we've created a space where the marriage of feminism and comedy can simultaneously be taken seriously and thoroughly enjoyed. We hope to continue dispelling myths of feminism along the way, as well as encouraging greater intelligence, truth, awareness and intentionality in Comedy At Large. (That's right. It's our sneaky little agenda: World Comedy Domination via open letters to Lourne Michaels.)

We're slowly learning from our mistakes- no more blue text on a black background, I promise. As we mature, we hope to make the space more interactive and inclusive. If you have ideas, feedback, complaints or props, please consider this a solicitation (either respond in comments, or email wisecrackzine AT gmail DOT com). Lastly, we're disappointed by the lack of hate mail we've received. We take it as a sign that we're not saying juicy enough things. We'll try to step it up.

In the words of Lily Tomlin, "We're all in this together, by ourselves."

To the next 100 posts...   

Thanks for reading.  

Rachel Dratch talks Women in Comedy, Improv - An Improvised Blog

Rachel Dratch talks Women in Comedy, Improv - An Improvised Blog

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Burning Moms use humor to push for education changes in California - Sacramento News - Local and Breaking Sacramento News | Sacramento Bee

Burning Moms use humor to push for education changes in California - Sacramento News - Local and Breaking Sacramento News | Sacramento Bee

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An Open Letter to Lorne Michaels

Dear Lorne,

I was watching an old episode of SNL the other day, one with Maya Rudolph playing Donatella Versace (a classic), and got to thinking about the gender and race of SNL performers. I did a little research.

Of the 35 seasons of SNL and 122 cast members, 31 have been women. And just a mere four have been female minorities. That's pathetic.

Why so few women? You don't seem to subscribe to the belief that women aren't funny. SNL has been home to many top female comedians of this time. Maybe you just don't know enough female comedians. For your sake, let me offer some suggestions.

My Comedian Wish List for SNL:

* Wanda Sykes - A sketch veteren with The Chris Rock Show; granted, she's about to have her own show, so you probably missed the boat.

* Kim Wayans - Wayans has 5 seasons of In Living Color under her belt.

* Christina Anthony - Second City: check.

* Frangela - It's a two for one and in these tough economic times, that's a comic deal! (Granted, they don't really do sketch, but they would be a welcome addition to the lineup. They would make great anchors for Weekend Update!)

* DSI Comedy grads - Bring a little southern charm to SNL! I can vouch for them, I've seen plenty of their shows and my funny bone was tickled without remorse.

*Marina Franklin- Another Chicago gem, also a Last Comic Standing and Chappelle Show alum.

*Melissa Vellasenor- Have you seen this girl's impression reel?

*Garfunkel & Oates - Cooler than sliced bread, with an already large fan base. Large fan base means more viewers, which is really what you want, Lorne. (Oh yeah. I can speak "biz.")

These are just a few suggestions and I know I've left out a lot of people. If you need more women comedians, check out our list on the left-side column of the blog.

Basically, there's really no excuse for the dismal representation of hilarity of the female kind on SNL. You are missing out on a huge demographic and the endless possibilities of new sketches.

Lorne, I know how much you like Kenan Thompson playing Oprah. But don't let it stop you from casting more women. Keep SNL cutting-edge. Feature more ladies.

Yours truly,
Lauren

It's the Weekend!

Get your "Cats on a Treadmill" on.

Cats on a Treadmill - watch more funny videos

Jen Dziura: Spelling out success in comedy

Comedy and spelling have a lot more in common than you think, and Jen Dziura is out to prove just that. As a founder [editor's note- our apologies, bobby blue is the founder] co-host of the Williamsburg Spelling Bee, an intellectual triathlon for adults, the New York native has her sights set on conquering not only the world of academic bees, but that of smarty-pants comedy as well. And with the recent success of her one-woman show, What Philosophy Majors Do After College, waiting in the unemployment line seems like the least likely scenario for comedy's queen bee. Hear what Jen has to say as she checks in with Wisecrack to discuss the correlation between grammar and comedy, getting back on her feet after failure, and Pee-Wee Herman in drag.


Wisecrack: Have you always known you wanted to pursue a career in comedy? Can you name a specific instance in which life drove you to laughs?

Jen Dziura: You know, that's a funny question, because I'm not totally sure what I'm doing now is exactly about pursing a career in comedy. I've always felt as though there's a Venn Diagram at play -- there's comedy, and there's my Platonic ideal of being the best possible public version of myself, and there's some overlap in the middle that is my working space.

I saw Sandra Bernhard's "Without You I'm Nothing" on DVD in a Queer Studies class in college, and I think that was pretty formative for me. And then I saw Josh Kornbluth's monologue show about being a math major, but at the time (in college) I was training to be an action adventure star in the movies -- I was captain of the boxing team for awhile, I did martial arts and rock climbing and bodybuilding and wrote a screenplay that I would theoretically star in, about a teenage lesbian superhero.

So it all took awhile to gel and come around to my running an adult spelling bee and telling jokes about philosophy. I can no longer do as many pull-ups as I once could.

W: Is there an inherent relationship between good spelling and good comedy? How are the two connected?

JD: I'm not sure about spelling, but there's a strong correlation between irregular grammar and comedy. For instance, just take a basic joke form such as the "your mom" joke. Compare:

What I love about your mom are (noun), (noun), and (insulting noun).

What I love about your mom are (noun), (noun), and (insulting independent clause).

Both forms have a "surprise" at the end in that the third item in the list does not actually belong in a list of things the speaker loves about the subject, but the first joke template obeys the principle of grammatical parallelism and, despite the nouns chosen, will likely end up only moderately funny; the second violates the conventions of grammatical parallelism, and is thereby already funnier. Try it!

Another good example -- the other day, I made some vegan ravioli for myself, and they were kind of hideously green, due to some kind of spinach pasta situation. Also, they had come apart in the pot a little bit and were leaking things like peas and beans. My boyfriend looked over and said, "Oh look, you made boiled terribles!"

It was such a funny comment because "terrible," of course, isn't a noun. I don't think "boiled disasters," for instance, would have been as funny at all; a great part of the humor was in the surprising (and technically incorrect) diction.

W: You seem to have a wide-ranging array of interests, from comedy to martial arts to nearly every facet of academia. Can you describe the process by which you brought all of these things together to formulate a bankable career?

JD: Well, thank you for assuming that I masterminded the whole thing! I think it was quite a bit more haphazard than that. And it involved a lot of failing. I failed at running a dot-com, I failed at shopping around a screenplay, I failed at making a living as an art school model, I failed at holding a 9-5 job, I failed at getting myself into the traditional comedy club system.

I also tried a lot of things that didn't stick. The martial arts didn't stick. Some other things I've tried that didn't stick include skydiving and lesbianism. (No connection).

Somewhere in the middle of all the failing, when I was living in East Harlem in one of those hallways that people cordon off with a shower curtain and rent out as a bedroom (welcome to New York!), someone asked me to host an adult spelling bee. That was in 2004. And I've been doing that every other Monday since then. The high-water mark may have been when the New York Times ran a story about the bee on the front page of the style section, and that night, Bill Maher made fun of us on his show. It was in the "New Rules" segment -- as in, "New Rule: Adults must stop acting like children. The kids are going to spelling bees in bars!" I think the low-water mark was when Law and Order: Criminal Intent put out a casting call for, um, an actress to play a "female 20-something host of an adult spelling bee in a Brooklyn hipster bar." Seriously. I sent them something ("You know, I could just make a cameo as myself -- ever hear that story about the time Charlie Chaplin entered a Charlie Chaplin lookalike contest and came in third?") but didn't get anywhere. Finally, the episode came out, and of course it was awful. As in, the Brooklyn "hipsters" had bleach-blond gelled hairdos and earnestly said things like, "I just want to ROCK, man!" In other words, they were straight out of a 1987 Pop Tarts commercial on Nickelodeon. I never did get to see who they cast as me, because the spelling bee scene had been cut -- there was just a mention that the "hipsters" had attended a spelling bee before one of them was murdered. Jeff Goldblum got to be all, "Kids these days! Spelling bees! Pshaw!"

Anyway, the spelling bee happened and became very popular, and then I started running geography, math, trivia, and vocabulary tournaments for adults, and somehow word got around the internet that I tell a lot of grammar jokes, and then I was in a pilot for a show on the Sci Fi Channel that didn't get made, and every once in awhile something awesome would happen, like the time I had this piece on McSweeney's that was getting a lot of hits, and then someone posted it on Fark.com, and then someone trying to be mean commented that I look like "Pee -Wee Herman in drag" and I said, "Oh my god, it's true!" It was a great feeling, like finding a long-lost twin. But a twin with his own playhouse!

Keep in mind, though, that this all happened really, really slowly, over a period during which I couldn't help being aware that I am aging, as are we all, and that Hollywood cares about this sort of thing an awful lot. I'm waiting to get some really good crow's feet so I can have diamonds embedded in them. Don't steal my idea!

So, no master plan. I just realized, over years of trying things, that I am good at hosting intellectual game shows and being nice to people even when they get the answers wrong, and that I'm good at telling jokes for smart, polite people. If I could just tour from library convention to library convention ... oh, a girl can dream!


W: What is your favorite word to spell, and why?

JD: For years, one of my favorite words was "apropos," because I learned that word as a young teenager from a translation of Dostoevsky's "Notes from the Underground" in which the book's second part is called "Apropos to the Wet Snow." Could that possibly have also rhymed in Russian?

Here are some of my favorite words from the Williamsburg Spelling Bee:

chionablepsia - snow blindness

rhinorrhagia - nosebleed

horologium - timepiece

discalced - barefoot, especially of a monastic order

poetomachia - an Elizabethan "War of the Theaters"

kakidrosis - smelly perspiration

Of course, that last one shares a root with:

kakistocracy - rule by evil men

Which reminds me a bit of:

hecatontarchy - rule by one hundred rulers

Which reminds me that this word is not "rule by eight rulers," which would instead be "octocracy":

ochlocracy - mob rule

And then there are the classics: lepidopterology, triskadecaphobia, trichotillomania, rhododendron, hyacinthine, hippopotamian. For the literature buffs: Lilliputian, Brobdingnagian, quixotic. Many of the hardest words are not from Romance languages: schipperke, aebleskive.

And if I'm going to go all meta on your ass: sesquipedalianism.

W: Ten years from today, what is the life of Jennifer Dziura going to look like?

JD: Hopefully no chionablepsia, rhinorrhagia, kakistocracy, etc.

In comedy, I'm really moving away from telling 15 minutes of jokes here and 15 minutes of jokes there.... I'm just going to develop one big show every six to twelve months, and do that show a few times, and then go back inside my head for a few months. I admire people like Mike Daisey, who do just that. Spaulding Gray's "Swimming to Cambodia" was really seminal for me. Of course "seminal" is a pretty gross word. And it's funny, I've donated eggs -- maybe I should insist that creative works that really influenced you be referred to as "ovoid." Of course, that just means "egg-shaped," which, in virtually all cases of seminal works, is simply not true.

The going back inside my head business is really crucial for me, and I've come to terms with the fact that stand-up comedy does not create a huge overlap on the Venn Diagram with what I know my mission to be. I've never been one of those comics who needs to be on stage five nights a week. I'm going to save it all up -- you can come watch me once or twice a year. It'll be more special that way. You'll be more likely to buy me alcohol when it's over, because of the extra specialness. Hmmn, you know what's never happened? Cute young men don't come up to me after the show and ask me to autograph their chests. I would like to autograph some chests. I just realized that that's a goal.

My current one-woman show is called, "What Philosophy Majors Do After College." I'm doing it August 7th in New York at The P.I.T., and then taking it on the road. Then, a book, a comedy CD.... Over the next ten years, I'd like to do a live show a year or so, and do more projects for television, hosting a reality show or variety show, ultimately landing a talk show. (Have I mentioned that Dick Cavett is a national treasure? That's what I mean when I say "talk show.") I'm going to have some kids who are really good at spelling. And a nanny who makes mimosas.

Also, I just moved into this Wall Street apartment that has a 25th-floor balcony, and I put a hammock on that balcony, and every time I lie on the hammock and look up the side of my 50-story building, I imagine that Batman's on his way, which I think can only be a plus for my creative process.


Read more from Jen in her McSweeney's pieces:

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2006/7/10dziura.html

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2007/3/2dziura.html

Laurie Kilmartin On Balancing Motherhood and Setlists

(Photo by froggygrl727)

By Laurie Kilmartin, Originally posted on Babble

It was 8:45 PM on a Saturday night and the babysitter was not here. I had to be onstage, telling jokes at a New York City comedy club, at 9:15. I'd already left her a voicemail in my high school Spanish.

 

"Hola, uh, es la mama de William. Donde?"

I would be late for my spot if I didn't leave immediately. I wrapped my one-year-old son in a blanket and ran for the car. The babysitter and I communicated via Babelfish.com. I would write an email in English and convert it to Spanish. She would do the same, in reverse. I thought we were good for sabado. Damn. Merde?

I had four fifteen-minute sets that night, at three different comedy clubs. My final set ended at about one a.m. In theory, William and I could hang out in the car between spots, but while I was onstage, I'd have to hand him to somebody. I pulled up to the club at 9:12. Five or six comedians were standing out front. Some I knew, some I didn't.

"Hey!" I shouted, flipping on the hazard lights. "Can anyone sit with the baby? I'll pay you twenty-five bucks and I'll be back in twenty minutes." A comic named Maggie slid into the back seat.

"Thanks," I said, handing her the diaper bag. "Now, try not to kidnap him."

"You're no fun," she said. Maggie rode with us for the rest of the night, pocketing about a hundred dollars, which was not much less than me.

This wasn't supposed to be my life. I wasn't going to have kids. When I got pregnant by accident, I was forty and single. But also bored. I took a "Hey, why not?" approach to motherhood. My belly became a prop that I took on the road. We had a good time, the fetus and me. Indiana, Texas, Montreal. We flew to Alaska in my fourth month and L.A. in my eighth. My last show as a non-mom was the night before I delivered. When the baby came, I lost fifteen minutes of material.

And my lifestyle.

Comedians have the best lives. I used to stay up until four a.m. and sleep until whenever. Now, most mornings I wake up like the amnesiac from Memento. I have no idea where I am, or whose child is crying. Next to my bed is a helpful Polaroid of my son, captioned with the words: "You are his mother and his diaper needs to be changed."

William's dad is also a comedian. We took the baby on the road when he was six months old. My boyfriend would do his set, then run back to the green room, where I was waiting to pass him the swaddled baton. The emcee would kill a few minutes onstage until I arrived. It worked because there were two of us.

Now the baby is older, and there's often just one of us.

The boyfriend and I usually work alternate road weeks, but recently we each booked separate gigs during the same week. Neither of us could afford to cancel. We figured it would cost less for me to take William to Michigan than for my boyfriend to take him to North Dakota. I found a sitter online. She came to the hotel at seven p.m. I debriefed her on her mission as I saw it, which was to keep my son awake for as long as possible so I could sleep in the next morning.

"He's gonna start yawning in an hour. Don't buy into it. If you cave and put him to bed, he's gonna wake up at six a.m. And that can't happen because I will be dead by Sunday. I need you to keep him talking until eleven or so."

"Like, sleep deprivation? For a two-year-old?"

From the tone of her voice, I could tell she was not completely on board.

"Of course not! That's a torture technique. Jeez. All I'm saying is, when his eyes start rolling back into his head, point out the window and yell, 'plane!' That's it. Now, if he happens to spend the next thirty minutes looking for a plane that isn't there, well, that's his choice, isn't it?"

"Uh huh."

"Five or six times over the course of the evening should do the trick. And you don't have to say 'plane' each time. 'Firetruck' works. If you really want to keep him hopping, try 'Daddy.'"

I returned to the hotel at 1 a.m. I'd done two fifty-minute shows. I was tired.

"What time did he go to bed?" I asked.

"A little before eight."

Being home is hard, in a different way. After William was born, I cut back on the road work and took a day job writing for a now-defunct website. We had health insurance and the basic bills were paid. But I was in a frustrating position as a comic. 

Sunday-Thursday spots in New York City don't pay much, or at all. But they are the best shows to try out new material. There is no pressure to kill. And new jokes get fine-tuned for the weekend shows, which do pay. That system worked great before I had a kid. Now, I had to hire a sitter for those nights. And all of a sudden I was out $10-$50 dollars every time I did a set. I went from eight to fifteen development sets a week to about two.

My growth slowed, despite the fact that I had so much more to talk about. The problem was solved for me in January, when the day job ended. Now I'm back on the road, doing long sets where I have plenty of opportunity to sneak in new stuff. The corporate benefits are gone, but so is the stagnation.

And the boyfriend and I have settled into a groove. When we're both in NYC, we perform on alternate weeknights, or one of us will do an early set, and race home so the other can make a late set. We spring for a sitter on weekends and the occasional miercoles o domingo. My schedule's not the same as it was during the non-mom days, but is anything?